I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I smell stomach acid.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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