What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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