I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
