omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
