Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
