I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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