what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Alive.
So much puke
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
