Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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