I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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