My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
