Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
