is your mom at the bar?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
