she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
