She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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