So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
