The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
