So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
