Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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