My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
