I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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