return my video game
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
