I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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