I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
