Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
