Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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