Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Randomize
