So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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