But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
