Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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