I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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