about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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