She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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