I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
