so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
