So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
