I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
