things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
