i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
