Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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