TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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