everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
