I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
