We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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