Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
