I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
