i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
