My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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