You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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