I met the friendliest cop last night
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
that's an acceptable place to lick
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
