rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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