I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
