Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
